Post Match Musings on the Columbus Crew Game - League’s Cup Edition: When did this game end? Oh dear God it’s a work night.


By Jason Goodbody

For my inaugural post-match observations on this fine website dedicated to covering our beloved Boys in Red, I'll start with somewhat of a disclaimer and set expectations as to who I am.

My familiarity with the game is grounded in youth soccer up until high school where I switched to what this community might consider a lesser version of football. After a stint as a half-decent goalkeeper playing in college intramurals (impressed yet?) I played in the Air Force against much better talent in the form of tiny colleges and university travel club teams. My soccer experience was capstoned with a decade of coaching both my boys through their youth soccer club experience. All this to say that I am considered as nothing more than an amateur professional soccer fan, just teetering on the edge of false confidence and unearned certainty about this beautiful game. And now we begin.

  • Well, that wasn't ideal. CITY loses 2-1 with a heavily rotated team. It's complicated though, 6 of what could be considered regular starters were on the bench but 9 of the 11 have had multiple starts under their belts. It's a confusing, topsy-turvy world as an expansion team with a heavy load making all wonder "Why the heck is X playing instead of Y?!"
  • It has been my experience that severe weather delays automatically grant STL CITY SC with two goals. Turns out it's more of a home team thing. Noted.
  • My very first MLS game I attended was the Columbus Crew during the MLS inaugural 1996 season. I don't recall who they played. It was a long time ago. Might've been the Pawtucket Whalers or something like that. They played with a ball of stitched leather stuffed with fur and feathers and the match took place over several blocks through the streets of Columbus just west of N High Street, damaging several homes. As I recall, Columbus won 13-7, earning the right to loot and pillage Pawtucket, NH and surrounding villages, as was customary at the time.
  • Joakim Nilsson has still yet to return from injury and was left off the traveling roster. The star center back and fifth member of a future CITY Nordic metal house band (with the signing of newly acquired Icelander Nökkvi Thórisson) has been perpetually 3-6 weeks out after pre-season knee surgery. I've learned that CITY measures injury time in Klauss units, which are among the most mysteriously variable and least understood units of measurement, like whatever temperature our microwave uses to defrost or the distance to the next exit when we have to pee. Anyway, Nilsson is an estimated 1.13333 Klausses away from playing.
  • Cèlio Antonio Pompeu Pinheiro Martins, what are you doing? Pompeu ran off the post just prior to Lucas Zelarayán's free kick. The talented Columbus Crew attacking midfielder and Ariana Grande body double proceeded to place the ball where Pompeu used to be. A good set piece player is going to make that 9 out of 10 times when a field player vacates that spot. There is speculation that Pompeo told CITY goalkeeper Ben Lundt "hey, I'm leaving the front post", but unfortunately said it in Portuguese. Gotta work out that communication, boys.
  • In the spirit of Barbie-mania, center back Lucas Bartlett cosplayed as Ken in fine form, pulling off the Ryan Gosling take on the iconically gelded doll with ease. Conversely Hiebert's attempt to bring to life Cillian Murphy's J. Robert Oppenheimer ended in disaster. Hiebert was unable to keep his fedora on and cigarette in place during training this week and as a result, a frustrated Carnell left the talented left back off the roster.
  • Sporting Kansas was beating up on Cincy in their League's Cup match and then proceeded to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory giving up a penalty shot in the waning minutes. I felt myself rooting for a Sporting win against FC Cincinnati and then was reminded why I simply shouldn't do that after seeing Alan Pulido head butt that dude in 30'. Never again will I allow subconscious twangs of middle America solidarity to cloud my judgment.
  • We got more weather and game start status updates for this game than we received for the tornado-delayed Cincy game, and we were actually there*. *There being the basement of Union Station, or flooded cellar of Schlafly, or CITYPARK bathroom, or shoulder-to-shoulder in Maggie O'Brien's and The Pitch, or your parked car, etc.
  • So that's that. On to play Club América on Thursday at home (had to look up which direction that accent was angled. Soccer is hard even if only keeping track of how all the diacritics are used). That'll be a 9pm start for some reason

By Jason Goodbody